Masks at Costco, or maybe Hell

Masks, Costco, and Life in Hell

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Last Friday the Panhandle Health District in Idaho ended mandatory mask wearing in public (YAY! Freedom!).

We went to Costco in Coeur d’Alene that same day. Not to celebrate the end of the mandates, but because we were out of cottage cheese. The dogs demand a scoop of cottage cheese every night before their pre-bedtime ritual potty walk. They were not going to understand if the cupboards were bare, and they are big dogs. Hungry dogs. With nasty big, pointy teeth!

Of course, Costco has it’s own fascist rules that require masks by everyone, at all times.

And I hate it.


Everyone’s got their mask policies these days, but no one seems to care about my Mask Policy.

Steve's Mask Policy

Preamble: Masks are less about health and more about maintaining fear. I have researched enough to be convinced they neither protect me or others. Additionally, the virus in question is easily survived by someone in good health. Even healthy people over 80 have a 95% survival rate. But facts aren’t important in this situation. What is important is the will to resist ridiculous assaults on our intelligence.

Therefore it is MY POLICY that Masks are a choice. In all cases I will ignore printed signs regarding mask use when entering business establishments. I will instead wait to be asked by an employee to wear a mask. At that time I will decide whether I will submit to their imbecilic rule or do my business elsewhere.

I have found that most employees don’t care about mask wearing; and they are afraid of confrontation. It is time everyone began ignoring these fascist assaults on autonomy. If we all do this, the day will soon come when these stupid mask mandates are honored only in the breach.

Yeah, it’s a bit wordy, but it gets the point across.

Costco is one of those places I choose to submit to the rule. It’s hard to resist twelve gallon barrels of mayonnaise. In preparation for our journeys to Costco, the Missus made me a gaitor of the thinnest fabric she could find. I asked for a mesh, but she didn’t have any mesh material.

masks are for stupid people


At the entrance to Costco we were greeted by an employee who offered me a free made-in-China mask (no doubt already infused with Flu Manchu). I declined.

“Look, Sweetie*,” I said to the gal as I pulled up the useless gaitor, “I know I’m ugly, but wearing a mask seems a bit extreme.”

*Please note: “Sugar Tits” was an option that went unused. Send in your Sensitive Man of The Year nominations now.

We were there on a Friday at 7:00 p.m. in a vast warehouse along with maybe 30 other people (including employees). Yet we had to mask ourselves as if we were going elbow to elbow at the NY Stock Exchange.

Life in Hell

I think many of us know this is all Security Theater. To be kind, I think they originally did this to provide a tangible sign of community spirit. They wanted to create that “We’re All In This Together®” vibe. But governmental good intentions are always a prelude to something ugly. That helpful hand on the shoulder eventually morphs into an Orwellian face-stomping boot.

You know what government does really well? Force everyone into the same illogical boat. The result? vast unpopulated areas must submit to the same stupid, anti-science rules as Seattle.

The other thing about the Dung Lung Flu Panic Mask Mandate that offends me? The preposterous idea that people without symptoms are a major source of contagion.

“The one thing historically people need to realize is that even if there is some asymptomatic transmission, in all the history of respiratory-borne viruses of any type, asymptomatic transmission has never been the driver of outbreaks. The driver of outbreaks is always a symptomatic person. Even if there’s a rare asymptomatic person that might transmit, an epidemic is not driven by asymptomatic carriers.” So says Dr. Anthony Fauci, a well-known fork-tongued goblin.

Mask lies from government

So despite Dr. Fauci’s early claims to the contrary, we now must assume that everyone is a carrier. Even healthy, non-coughing, non-sneezing people. Because when it comes to Dung Lung Flu, everyone is guilty until proven innocent.

It’s completely bonkers, but I have a theory to explain it all:

I think sometime in early 2020 we all died and woke up in Hell, and that’s where we’ve been ever since. It’s the only theory that fits all the evidence.

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