Me: “Turmeric is an ingredient in yellow mustard.”
The Missus: “No! Mustard is made from mustard root.”
Me: “I repeat: Turmeric is an ingredient in yellow mustard. Look it up, Mrs. Google!”
The Missus: (Looks it up) “Mustard is made from the mustard root, but other ingredients are often added such as turmeric for yellow mustard…”
—— Silence ———
The Missus: “Well, what?”
Me: “Geez! I remember these little verbal contests used to be so thrilling, like a boxing match; and exciting, like the prelude to sex. Now? I’d kill for a simple ‘You’re right’.”
––– Pause –––
The Missus: “Not tonight. I’ve got a head ache.”
What I'm Doing to Kill Time
While on Facebook the other day, I told someone to “Fuck off”.
I’m not proud of it, but I’m not sorry either.
Mostly, I take it as a sign to increase my social-media distancing. That could be difficult, what with the nationwide orders to “sit quietly and amuse yourselves for a month or more”. It’s hard to avoid social media when I’ve got nothing else to do. What? Am I going to actually have a real conversation with The Missus? We’ve been married for 27 years, why start now?
Instead, I’m left to ponder the following by myself:
- When to shave?
- The source of the smell.
- Just how long can I wear these sweatpants?
- Will cheese and chocolate extend my toilet paper supply?
- Do I have enough whiskey?
- What does this pill do?
They've been showing the Star Wars movies on one of the cable channels. The whole series. The first, original trilogy was plenty for me way back when, so I haven't cared to watch. But I know some people cherish these movies.
Some more than others…
I just noticed this headline is from 2012, so it's from its own Quarantime. Look at me! I'm making up words! Hey, Gerard Butler, what do you think of that?
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Quarentime! I might steal that.
Here is your proper transition guide: Morning – coffee. When the mug cools down to blood warm, Saki. When Saki is gone? Wine. When you wake up? Coffee.
My version is a slippery slope to be avoided: Diet Coke –> Jameson –> beer –> pie –> M&M’s –> donuts –> divorce