Let me tell you about a big surprise that changed my life. This story is absolutely, one hundred percent true.
It’s December of 1991. A Monday morning.
I’m a graphic designer in the marketing department in the corporate headquarters for a large Spokane company. I’m a few minutes late for work. The parking lot is large, and I’m hustling to get in the office before anyone notices.
About one hundred feet from the door, a coworker stops me.
“Congratulations!”
Confused, but still in a hurry, I say “Thanks,” shake his hand and continue to the office.
All morning, people stop by to offer congratulations.
I don’t know why.
The next few hours, I spend enormous mental energy trying to figure out what’s going on. I should ask someone, but it’s too awkward. Everyone knows about it, so I assume I should know without asking.
I’m wracking my brain going over the last week, trying to remember what happened that was worthy of so many congratulations.
No promotion (I’d certainly know about that). I saved no children from a burning building. I didn’t win the Lottery. No major awards.
The only event I can think occurred the previous Saturday. The company hosted its first company-wide Christmas party. A cute girl I had met earlier from a division out of town attended. We had a good time talking and dancing. A very pleasant event for both of us.
Once the party ended, I went home and she went to the hotel.
No big deal.
I thought, “Perhaps they all thought I was gay?”
It wouldn’t be the first time (long story). Seeing me interact with a woman must have surprised them enough to speak up.
“Congratulations! Welcome to heterosexuality!”
“Naw!” I shook my head at the thought. “That’s ridiculous!”
Eventually, the big boss stopped by with congratulations. He slaps my back.
“Attaboy!” he says, and walks out.
I smile and nod. Now I’m thinking, “Maybe they DID think I was gay.”
Finally in a low voice I ask a coworker “Why all the congratulations?”
“We heard you are getting married!”
“To who?”
“To (the cute girl from the party), Silly!”
In a private moment I phoned her.
Utterly embarrassed and apologetic, she confessed after the Christmas party she told her boss she needed to be transferred because she met the man she was going to marry.
Word travels fast in Corporate.
I rolled with it, not wanting to hurt her feelings. I’d been lonely for a while, so it felt nice to be wanted.
She transferred to my town and moved in.
We enjoyed each other’s company and had much in common.
We married the following September.
I never proposed.
I keep that tucked in the back of my mind, just in case. Unfortunately, I think the statute of limitations has probably run out on that loophole.
“Objection, Your Honor! The fact is I never actually proposed!”
“That’s immaterial. Overruled! Sit down and shut up.”
It’s been nearly thirty-four years.
I didn’t ask for this, but it’s worked out well so far.
About the Author
Topdog is Steve Merryman, a retired graphic designer, illustrator, and curmudgeon-in-training. Steve can often be found working on a portrait commission or some other artwork. Steve fills his days by painting, writing, shootin' guns, cuttin' trees, hiking with his dogs, and shaking his head at world events, all while searching for the perfect cheeseburger. He is occasionally without pants.
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