Spokane Is Burning

Numerous people have asked if we’re safe from the fires burning in Spokane. This is surprising to me because I only have two friends, and half of those are iffy. To be fair, I think most of those inquiring were more concerned with The Missus. I am, and will always be extra baggage to our friends.

Incidental. An afterthought. The wrinkled bacon at the back of the package.

That’s me.

But, yes. We are safe and sound. For the moment.

Thank you for asking.

Our location is about fifteen miles southeast of the fires. The prevailing winds generally come from the southwest. This will tend to push smoke and embers far to the north.

Still, living on ten acres in the woods is no picnic this time of year.

With low humidity, high temperatures, and frequent strong winds, it’s hard to let down my guard.

There’s always smoke floating around. So much so that I’ve become quite the connoisseur.

“I smell smoke,” worries The Missus.

Me, lifting my nose in the air, giving several rapid sniffs, and letting it settle in my sinuses like an oenophile testing fine box wine, “Not to worry. It’s at least ten miles off. Mostly wheat stubble. Smells like winter wheat. Second planting, so it’s ready for canola next year. Some thistle. No pine trees.”

“Wow! You can tell all that from the smell?”

Holding up my phone, “I have an app.”

“Bastard!”

Watch Duty screenshot. Our home is in the green area below Liberty Lake.

The Fire Season App

Watch Duty is the app of choice this time of year. There’s a free version that gives all the info most people need to stay up to date on nearby wildfires. I upgraded to the $25/year version, which tracks aircraft.

It’s awesome! There’s fixed wing spotter planes, single engine air-tankers and more, all the way up to the big jet aircraft that can drop 8K gallons of fire retardant. On top of that there are various helicopters, Skycranes, Chinooks, Blackhawks and others.

All with their own distinct animations, so you can figure out who’s who.

Watching the aircraft converge on a fire is addictive.

At one point I tracked two SEATs (Single Engine Air Tankers) heading directly at our house on their way to fill up at a nearby lake. I watched them approaching on the app and pointed it out to The Missus, just before their engines could be heard. We watched them fly by the house.

“I can see the pilot!” squealed The Missus as she waved energetically.

“You always say that! They’re five hundred feet up!”

“He’s got blue eyes! And white teeth.”

“And a he-manly smile?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Oh! You can see him too?”

“Maybe I can get them to drop some water here, to cool your hot flash.”

They Caught The Bastard

It’s been a week since the fire was lit by some guy with daddy issues. A few years back, in Arizona, he solved those issues with two bullets after his dad told him to do the dishes. He was then imprisoned for manslaughter.

Side note, I can no longer look at that word without saying, in my head, “mans laughter”.

And now you can’t, either. You’re welcome.

Released a few years later, he made his way north to Spokane, apparently with visions of fire bugs dancing in his head.

The last couple years, there have been lots of summer fires. I’ve remarked to The Missus numerous times, “These aren’t as random as they look. I think there’s someone with matches, time on their hands, and a warped idea of fun.”

In the days since they caught this guy, I’ve been walking around the house like Randy Quaid in Independence Day, “I been sayin’ it for years! Ain’t I been sayin’ it, Miguel?”

And every time, The Missus has the same response.

“Who’s Miguel?”

The Aftermath

Sixty seven thousand people evacuated. Nearly 900 structures burned.

It’s a relief the dude is now under lock and key. I hope he never sees the light of day.

Also, many people are making suggestions, speculating on an appropriate punishment for the pyromaniac.

My idea? I say give him what he wants.

He loves fire so much? We should burn him at the stake. It would offer poetic justice, be old-timey –which is always fun (like a Renaissance Fair! Bring on the turkey legs!)– while also providing a strong visual (and mental) deterrent for crazies thinking of doing what he did.

I suspect that’s the sort of fire most people around here could get behind.