Hellfire Hot Sauce

Steve MerrymanAttitude2 Comments

fires of hell graphic

Hellfire hot sauce is made from the Carolina Reaper, the hottest pepper in the world (1.58 million Scoville Units). It seems that someone is always claiming that X-pepper is “the hottest in the world.” For a while it was ghost pepper this and ghost pepper that. Personally, I’m happy the Ghost Pepper is out on the street, a has-been. I never cared for Bhut jolokia. It had a too smoky flavor with an aftertaste I can only describe as slightly muddy.

Hellfire hot sauce
Nuke your gut from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

Also, aside from sounding vaguely like a regional serial killer, the Carolina Reaper is a super awesome name for a hot pepper. And I have to admit, using the phrase, “what this [insert food item here] needs is a little Hellfire!” has a certain amount of swagger built in.

What’s Hellfire hot sauce like? Well, you know that alien from the movies, the one with acid for blood that burns through floors of iron planking? Yep. Just like that.

Have too much (we’re talking drops here) and you’ll feel like they took Ripley’s advice and nuked your mouth from orbit, just to be sure.

It will burn through your twenty-five feet of intestines faster than a fat boy through Skittles.

I’m not kidding. Hellfire hot sauce will scour the insides of what’s left of your intestines, destroying all that’s left of any organic compounds, and I mean “organic” not in the sense of Hippy-Dippy It’s All Natural So It Must Be Good (like cyanide) sense, but in the chemistry sense of “anything containing carbon”. It will liquify your insides and pour them out a new orifice of its own creation. So if you’ve ever thought having one asshole was somehow limiting, this is the sauce for you.

It hurts me, therefore I love it

This is my new favorite extreme hot sauce. For the longest time, I’ve been a “Sudden Death” fan, and I still love it, but it’s time to hand the crown to new blood. At one drop per serving, I predict this one bottle will last a long time.

Believe it or not, this hot sauce has very good flavor. The trouble is (and this is true of ALL extreme hot sauces) with Hellfire the flavor is barely done introducing itself to you when the big fat heat pushes in, elbows his way past and heads straight for the buffet table. You try to stop him, but at that moment you sense your bowels are about to give way. Instead, you head for the crapper and miss the rest of the party weekend.

My nickname for Hellfire hot sauce is “El Bano” because that’s where I end up spending the next two days. That’s good. It gives me time to think, to reflect on the choices I made that led to me sitting there losing all feeling in my legs.

But Hellfire is too good and life too short for regrets. So no matter how many times it burns me, I circle back to that sinister bottle, moth/flame style.

Website: HellfireHotSauce.com (Note: They’ve got a Blueberry Hell Sauce that sounds delicious. It’s on my To-Get list. And the artwork on their labels is generally excellent!)

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